Principle six of Dr. Henry Cloud’s book was the most insightful chapter yet. Why? Because I didn’t agree with most of it. Through wrestling with his points and doing my own research I learned a lot. For that, I am grateful. Let me be clear, I understand Dr. Henry Cloud is, well, a doctor and I am not. He is also a psychologist and I am not. However, purely speaking from a theological stand point I had some questions about his sixth principle.
The chapter was titled, Hate Well. He uses an example of a new partner he had who quickly found some debts in the accounting that should have been paid off a long time ago. The new partner gathered the employees together and said he “hates surprises”. Dr. Cloud discusses that the partner was calm and didn’t lash out but made his point on what he hated. This is a jumping off point to discuss how successful people have things that they hate and hate well.
He uses examples of clients he had in therapy that didn’t hate well, and he discusses some scripture to back his points, but I want to parallel this idea with what I think is the antithesis of hate. Love. Dr. Cloud does discuss the difference between subjective and objective hate, which there is objective and subjective love. What does scripture tell us about Christ’s love? It is unconditional, which transcends both subjective and objective love. Subjective means someone’s feelings and opinions affect their views, while objective means their feelings and opinions don’t affect their views.
Dr. Cloud argues subjective hatred is wrong and we must turn our hatred into objective. I understand where he is coming from, but when you stand hatred side-by-side with love this doesn’t make sense. From a follower of Jesus perspective. Christ didn’t turn his love for us from subjective to objective or vice versa. Cloud states, “Transform it to the kind of hate that solves problems, protects things that you value, and stands against the things that you don’t want in your life” (153). I am all for that. But I don’t believe we transform hate into another form of hate, I think it’s transformed into something entirely different.
As Christians, I do not think we’re called (or taught by Jesus) to transform hate into a different hate. I believe we’re called to transform hate into love. More specifically the love of Christ.
This post is going to be short, but I want to continue this conversation with my community because I think it is fascinating as well as important.
I Love Lamp
If you were a teenager or older in the mid 2000’s then you have probably seen the movie Anchorman:The Legend of Ron Burgundy. In this film, there are a number of household named comedians that really took off. One of them is Steve Carell. In a scene where Ron Burgundy (Ferrell) Brick (Carell) Champ Kind (David Koechner) and Brian Fantana (Paul Rudd) are sitting in Ron’s office asking him about love, Brick starts looking around the room and saying he loves everything he sees.
Brick Tamland: “I love … carpet. I love … desk.”
Ron Burgundy: “Brick, are you just looking at things in the office and saying that you love them?”
Brick Tamland: “I love lamp.”
Ron Burgundy: “Do you really love the lamp, or are you just saying it because you saw it?”
Brick Tamland: “I love lamp. I love lamp.”
Behind this hilarious bit there is a glimmer of reality. We throw the word love around very loosely without a clear definition of what it means or is.
I can say that I love coffee. Not just the pick-me-up it gives me but the flavor. Grinding it every morning and pouring it in my Chemex. I also love Jenn. When I say I love Jenn it is different than when I say I love coffee. Because if I say I love both but not equally, then I am either diminishing my love for Jenn or my love for coffee, or overstating my love for coffee or for Jenn.
The truth is, I may love coffee but it is conditional. I love what coffee does for me. I love Jenn, but my love is (or attempt to make it) unconditional. I don’t love her simply because of what she does or doesn’t do, I love her simply because of who she is.
Tim Keller in his book, “The Meaning Of Marriage” discusses this idea in more detail. He mentions he does his best not to constantly name reasons for why he loves his wife. For example, “I love you because you’re pretty.” Or “I love you because you’re funny.” He points out, this conditions people to think that they are only loved when they are pretty, funny, smart, or whatever else it may be.
If I told Jenn I loved her because she was funny every day, how would she feel if she wasn’t feeling funny? How would she feel if I didn’t laugh at her jokes? She would associate my love for her with how funny she is being. That is not unconditional love, that is not Christ’s love.
The Other Side
If we flippantly use the word love, then do we flippantly use the word hate? Absolutely. Whenever I or my sisters said we hated something my dad would usually respond, “Hate is a strong word.” When looking up the definition in Websters I can see what he meant. The noun is, “intense hostility and aversion usually deriving from fear, anger, or sense of injury” or “extreme dislike or disgust.” The verb is, “to feel extreme enmity toward : to regard with active hostility.”
Neither of these definitions are something followers of Jesus should strive for. Now I am aware that the word hate is used in scripture. Proverbs, psalms, and in Romans chapter 12 Paul even tells Christians to “Hate what is evil” (9). However, in every part of scripture, the writer always points to the Lord’s judgment, not our own. Paul does say hate what is evil, but he also says “Bless those who persecute you” (14). He then goes further saying, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” (18).
So what if hating what is evil is less an outward expression but an inward one. What if what Paul is saying, and what Jesus taught (i.e Sermon on the Mount) is that we are all inherently evil and we must hate that evil in ourselves. And what we practice is “Be devoted to one another in love” (10). The evil we hate is inside ourselves, but we allow Christ to transform that to an outward expression of love and peace.
Rather than saying how much I hate bad drivers or how I hate being stuck in traffic (all driving related, I know) I could reflect on why I am having these feelings of animosity and see if their is any evil in my own heart. Because if I don’t, I am doomed to repay evil with evil and that is what God hates.
Think of Cain and Abel. Cain had hate stirring up in his heart and God warned him. God gave him a chance to repent. “If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it” (Gen. 4:7). We all know how that went.
The truth is there are things God hates. I encourage you to read and study them in Proverbs 6:16-19. In my studies, I have found that God sees when someones character transfers from a repentive to an unrepentive heart. God hates an unrepentive heart. Someone who will not acknowledge and confess their sin. I would argue this is the reason for most, if not all of God’s judgment on mankind. He sees more than we can fathom and sees the person who repents of the evil in their heart and he sees those who won’t repent.
This is where things get weighty and above my pay grade but I believe it is an important thing to talk about. Not to blow our heads up, but to discuss confronting the evil and hate in our own hearts. Figuring out how to transform that hate into love. Jesus showed this on the cross. He took every hateful blow, hateful word, and hateful deed and bore it on the cross. Why? Out of Love. The antithesis of hate.
Closing
I want to clarify that I do not think Dr. Cloud was off base by any means. He is after all speaking from a business perspective rather than a theological one. However, it did spark this idea in me that had me thinking and meditating more than I had previously on this journey.
I recently came across Psalm 136, which is a song that has a call back to it. The author goes through a lot of Israel’s history and after each statement the call back is “His love endures forever”. The author expresses both God’s judgment and God’s love synonymously.
This is what separates us from God. God can love unconditionally, transcending objective and subjectiveness. As well as be completely justified and righteous in the things he hates. We are called to trust him. To follow the ways of Jesus, who is the Good Shepard as well as the King.
Here is psalm 136 in closing.
Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good.
His love endures forever.
Give thanks to the God of gods.
His love endures forever.
Give thanks to the Lord of lords:
His love endures forever.
to him who alone does great wonders,
His love endures forever.
who by his understanding made the heavens,
His love endures forever.
who spread out the earth upon the waters,
His love endures forever.
who made the great lights—
His love endures forever.
the sun to govern the day,
His love endures forever.
the moon and stars to govern the night;
His love endures forever.
to him who struck down the firstborn of Egypt
His love endures forever.
and brought Israel out from among them
His love endures forever.
with a mighty hand and outstretched arm;
His love endures forever.
to him who divided the Red Sea[a] asunder
His love endures forever.
and brought Israel through the midst of it,
His love endures forever.
but swept Pharaoh and his army into the Red Sea;
His love endures forever.
to him who led his people through the wilderness;
His love endures forever.
to him who struck down great kings,
His love endures forever.
and killed mighty kings—
His love endures forever.
Sihon king of the Amorites
His love endures forever.
and Og king of Bashan—
His love endures forever.
and gave their land as an inheritance,
His love endures forever.
an inheritance to his servant Israel.
His love endures forever.
He remembered us in our low estate
His love endures forever.
and freed us from our enemies.
His love endures forever.
He gives food to every creature.
His love endures forever.
Give thanks to the God of heaven.
His love endures forever.
References:
Ackerman, T., Robertson, S., Russell, D. O., Apatow, J., Ferrell, W., McKay, A., Applegate, C., ... DreamWorks Home Entertainment (Firm). (2004). Anchorman: The legend of Ron Burgundy
Cloud, Henry. (2004). ‘9 Things You Simply Must Do: To Succeed In Love And Life’. MJF Books.
Genesis 4:7; Psalms 136; Romans 12: 9, 10, 14, 18.
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/hate
Keller, T. (2011). The Meaning Of Marriage [facing the complexities of commitment with the wisdom of God]. Penguin Books.